Finding Stillness

I’ve been thinking a lot about stillness this month. 

My life feels like a series of snapshots that end up moving in a chaotic fashion. Every day is pretty structured, but do I ever get time to be still? I mean, really still. With a three year old and a one year old? Most of the time I am keeping up with diapers and deadlines. There’s not much stillness in my life. 

When I chose to do this challenge of knitting strictly from my stash this year, I didn’t realize that it would bring stillness. I haven’t taken great care of my yarn since we’ve moved. I haven’t had time to browse, to smell, to feel the skeins and hanks. In the time I’ve had, I’ve noticed myself going to the closet where my stash is stored and just looking. Admiring. I may have accumulated my stash out of a state of sadness, but each piece still holds a bit of love. Each piece has a purpose. 

I‘ve had many moments of discontent where I wish I had more sweater quantities, more naturally dyed, more fingering weight, more worsted- exc. 

But for the most part, I love my stash. I love the opportunity to make something beautiful out of nothing. That was probably the point of all the purchases in the first place. In my postpartum haze, I needed something tangible to create. To show that I have purpose. 

That’s what we find in the stillness. After the anxiety, the disappointment, and discontent fade away there is our purpose. We belong just because we exist. Nothing more. We can create something magical out of the loose threads of our lives. 

It’s agony for me to slow down and be still. I continuously want to move forward- to find success in busyness. I’ve never found success in that. So I must learn to be still. 

Published by BrandieKnits

I am a reader of many beautiful things, a fantastic knitter and a lover of wine. I love writing stories. I am a daydreamer and very neurotic, but my husband married me anyway. Bless that man. Really, I am just a girl who finally figured out what she wants in life.

One thought on “Finding Stillness

  1. You’re making me think!

    I feel that I appreciate every day and have since my cancer diagnosis. Still, there are many things about my days that I don’t appreciate and days when I get caught up in the routine of daily living. I have a large stash of both yarn and fiber, yet I frequently consider buying more. I sort through my stash more often in order to stop that and I spend a lot of time looking at patterns that I can use with the yarn I already own. The tendency is still there and I’ve had to institute a 1-2 day delay before I will allow myself to click buy. Usually that works. I have also started knitting patterns that I like but don’t need and since I like the patterns and yarns, I just knit whatever it is and put it in a box. Each item will either be donated or given to a friend or family member.
    Stillness – I feel that stillness whenever I am near moving water (ocean, river, creek, whatever) and when I’m in the woods with sounds of cars and people hushed. I need those still times and don’t get them as often as I like but I’m trying.

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