I am incredibly interested in this one word movement, in lieu of making New Year’s Resolutions. I am one of those torn idealists that like to turn my vision in on myself and see where I can improve, so naturally, I leave a path of dead resolutions in my wake. I take them, squeeze the life right out of them and drop them like a discarded Starbucks mug in the street. Having a birthday in June is prime for doing this twice a year.
You may not have noticed, but I am crazy. (No really, it’s official)
I think that I love the feeling of imagining my perfect self. As a perfectionist, it eases the discord of my daily human fallibility.
My perfect self is successful, skinny, happy, and incredibly competent. Never doubts and makes six figures through her incredible book deals (lol).
So, you know that this image is… well… unrealistic.
I learned about this one word movement through some blogger friends, and I have to agree, it has appeal.
Instead of mentioning that I need to lose 20 lbs and be disappointed, I live by the word I choose this year. I know that I will be doing my best, but I also give myself room to be a human being and not a robot.
This year, my word is… Courage.
I live with constant anxiety, and self-humility. Thinking that I have nothing of value to offer the world, so I don’t put myself out there as much as I could. I have a Masters Degree, why do I believe that I can’t do anything? It doesn’t make logical sense. I’ve always been afraid to push boundaries, to state my opinion and to argue with anyone. But it’s been slowly killing me. Staying safe doesn’t make a memorable life. What kind of message does that say to my son?
So this year I am going to live with courage.
My first test is going to do this coast to coast move that my husband’s job is forcing us to do.
I am going to allow that some people just don’t like me that that’s okay. We don’t have to agree. We don’t have to like each other. I won’t take it personally. I will have the courage to accept myself, with my human flaws. With my weirdness. I like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Dr. Who. So what?
I am going to ignore the internal voice that says everything is going to go wrong and I am going to embrace the adventure. I have a bad habit of imagining what it would be like if everything went wrong. That way, I feel prepared. It just keeps me within my self imposed boundaries. I will have the courage to enjoy life, to feel love, to give love and to show my vulnerability to those who love me, and then to those who don’t.
I am going to push myself with my writing, start a legitimate business and show myself that, yes, I do have something to offer. I can’t let my MA collect dust. I need to use it and do something in this world. I am smart. I might be weird and prone to turning in first draft papers and making my professors hate their lives, but I am smart. I have something to say, and something to offer. I will use courage to jump into the world. I am worth something.
I am going to allow myself to feel the anxiety and fear; yet know that while they have a place in keeping me safe, sometimes the richest experiences are when I beyond the border of my comfort zone.
This year is going to be fantastic, a year of personal growth like I’ve never seen. I am ready for this next step. I am ready for my career and business. I just need to hold onto my courage. I need to show my son that he can do anything and that is going to take a lot of courage.