We are experiencing a thunderstorm right now. I love watching the rain. I love hearing the thunder roll over head. As I sit here, I can’t think of anything else except how peaceful it is in my house right now. How restful rainy days are.
This last year has been kind of insane. What with the big deployment, my part-time job, my full time school and that pesky homeownership, we can say that I’ve had my hands full. It’s been a constant barrage in my mind of one big thing that needs to be done after the next. I couldn’t clear my mind enough to let my introverted self get some much needed rest. Sometimes I forgot that I was even hungry and went a whole day without eating. I certainly couldn’t just sit in my dining room and stare outside at a crazy thunderstorm and just be thankful for the rain. Why do we make ourselves so busy for the sake of being busy? At first I thought that it would make everything go faster for my husband’s deployment, but it didn’t, it actually slowed time down. Everything was calculated down to the minute. What makes me feel like a loser is that normal people are able to handle this kind of work load. There are some kids who work full time and go to school full time! How do they do it? I would love to know their secret. (If you’re one of those people, I am really proud of you. You are awesome!)
School is out for now, and I survived the semester. So I’ve had a few days to regenerate. I think this is why I’ve been knitting so much lately. It just got to the point where I needed to be alone and recharge, knitting is the perfect recharging hobby.
I really like having a job. I love the people I work with and the extra income. Unfortunately I can’t do the same thing I did the last 2 semesters. Not for my sanity or my GPA. So I’ve had to put in my two week notice since my summer semester is starting soon. Quitting a job is really difficult. On one hand I love everyone and the money, and I feel guilty that I am leaving an income in this kind of economy, and what kind of feminist would I be if I didn’t work for my own money? But on the other, I am always tired, always creating lists in my head of what has to get done right now, always stressing. My husband makes enough for us, am I making myself miserable on principal? I love working. But right now, learning is my job.
I am looking forward to the ability to put my mental energy into more writing and school work. I am excited for more knitting time and church. I am excited to be able to build more relationships and just live a simple life again.